The Blotter: Southeast Bound and Down 

Juul Craze One e-cig user presumably couldn't find the cash to fund their nicotine needs in the Commonwealth Park area of east Charlotte last week, so they took desperate measures. QuikTrip employees reported that between 1:50 and 2 p.m., the suspect stole an entire shelf of Juul electronic cigarettes and starter packs. Altogether, the thief made off with about $700 worth of merchadise. The retail value of a Juul starter pack is only about $50, meaning the suspect was able to take off with about 14 packs. We're still seeing more folks making snatch-and-grabs for packs of real cigs, but maybe this marks a healthier turn for our criminal population.

Moooooove Your Car A 51-year-old man who lost his way in southeast Charlotte was offered no Southern hospitality by the local populace last week. According to the the report, the victim pulled over on Elm Forest Drive off Idelwild Road to look for directions. The man was still looking for a new route when an unknown suspect strolled up to his Chevrolet Silverado and proceeded to dump milk all over the passenger side of the vehicle. The man reported that the suspect did $20 in damage to his truck in this udderly bizarre crime.

Take a Hit What presumably started as a run-of-the-mill pot deal ended up backfiring on a suspect in the Idlewild South neighborhood of southeast Charlotte. A 26-year-old man on East W.T. Harris Boulevard turned to police after he was robbed for a bag of marijuana, and things only went south from there. According to the report, the suspect pulled a firearm on the man and snagged the bag, but then in the ensuing struggle over the firearm, the suspect injured himself. The report does not state whether that means the suspect shot himself, but the victim made it out of the confrontation with only bruises and scratches — and hopefully his weed.

Rolled Out One suspect in the University area decided that he couldn't — or wouldn't — foot the bill for a Friday night dinner last week, and he was ready to fight anybody who said otherwise. Police responded to Kabuto Restaurant after the suspect tried to leave the premise around 10 p.m. without paying for his $83 dinner. When an employee of the Japanese steak house attempted to stop the dine-and-dasher from leaving, the suspect reached into his backpack and stated, "I've got something for you if you keep following me," then fled the scene. He presumably wasn't talking about $83 dollars and a 20-percent tip, so the employee didn't pursue the man any further.

Friendly Favor One man in northeast Charlotte showed a little too much trust in someone who needed his vehicle for errands last week. The 51-year-old man discovered that his vehicle was missing around 9:30 p.m. one night, and knew of only one person who could have taken it. According to the police report, he called his prime suspect and she admitted to taking his car to complete some tasks on her to-do list and promised to return it afterward. The man complied to this better-to-ask-forgiveness-than-permission tactic, but when the suspect never returned with his car, that's when he called the police. The suspect and victim were apparently not very close friends, as he was only able to offer up her first name.

Workin' at the Car Wash Nobody likes a dirty car, but some services you really shouldn't cheap out on. A 30-year-old woman in the University area tried to save a few bucks to get her car cleaned, but got cleaned out instead. According to the report, the victim met with the suspect, who presented himself as a car detailer. They met in the Select Physical Therapy parking lot, and she paid the suspect $40 to detail her vehicle. Things should have gotten a little suspicious to the victim when the detailer told her he would have to leave the lot with her car and bring it back in an hour, but she acquiesced and the suspect drove off with both her $40 and her Kia Spectra. Unsurprisingly, she never saw either one again.

Heat Wave North Carolinian summers are no joke; the 90-plus-degree temperatures and high humidity could drive anyone to petty crime in search of a cool solution. A woman living near Cedarwood Park off Independence Boulevard (what the hell was in the water on that corridor last week?) fell victim to someone looking to cool off in the end-of-summer heat. The 61-year-old woman reported that an unknown suspect stole the freon from her air conditioning unit, as was later confirmed by an HVAC repair technician. Y'all need to chill ... er, cool it ... ahh, just stop what you're doing.

Unforced Entry Family communication skills were at an all-time low when a woman in east Charlotte called police to report a breaking-and-entering case. Per the report, the 48-year-old woman claimed an unkown suspect entered her home while she was asleep and stole her debit card. Miffed with the discovery of her lost card, she called police to report the mysterious theft. Later, officers discovered that the thief did not break into the home but was actually allowed into the residence with permission by another, overly trusting family member.

All stories are pulled from police reports at CMPD headquarters. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.