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The Blotter: You Got Served 

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

Here's a Tip We all expect food deliveries to be a simple transaction: pay the amount, get the food, shut the door and eat. One 23-year-old man in the University area experienced what could only be described as a horrific experience when his Wing Zone delivery driver threatened him during the transaction. Per the police report, the driver arrived at the victim's residence a little too late for his taste. Because the order was 90 minutes late, the victim stated he would not be tipping the driver. Upon hearing this, the driver punched the customer in the face, left the residence, then texted the customer "If you ever slam the door in my face again, I will beat the fuck out of you, bitch." Talk about customer service with a smile.

Moe Chicken, Moe Problems An unrelated incident involved another fast-food-related altercations, but this time the employee ran into trouble during a customer interaction. At a Moe's Southwest Grill on East Boulevard, the 20-year-old man denied a customer's request for more chicken — presumably in an attempt to get mo' protein free of charge — which ruffled the customer's feathers. According to the report, the suspect started verbally abusing the employee, and when the victim tried to confront the customer, the customer punched him in the head.

Instant Giveaway Two people in Uptown Charlotte were able to track down the person that damaged their vehicle due to the suspect's complete lack of online awareness. The 23-year-old woman and 20-year-old man had parked their rental BMW on a street in Second Ward, where it was vandalized to the tune of about $1,000. No suspect was on the scene when the couple returned to the car, but finding out who did it was not difficult, as the female suspect admitted to it on social media, which eventually got back around to the victim, who then told police.

Rude Awakening Early last week, a hotel and its guests got a not-so-hot visitor. Staff at Candlewood Suites Hotel in the University area had to deal with a "heavily intoxicated" man in the lobby at around 11:25 p.m. When the employees denied access to the fired-up drunk man, he pulled the lever of the fire alarm, forcing an evacuation of the hotel's guests.

Frequent Flier Rule No. 1 of traveling: secure your valuables and never leave your shit unattended. One 41-year-old woman from Jacksonville, Florida, does not seem like a frequent flier because she contacted police to file a report after she lost her passport in the Charlotte-Douglas International Airport. Normally, this wouldn't be worth reporting, but in this instance, it was a flight attendant with American Airlines who made the rookie mistake. Now, we don't know exactly how she lost her passport, but maybe if she avoided the layover bloody mary cocktails, she wouldn't have misplaced it.

Overt Operations Last week, a report was filed with police for a not-so-clever attempt of shoplifting. The staff at Target on Albermarle Road in east Charlotte called police when a suspect tried to abscond with some DVDs. Must've been a pretty big T-shirt, becuase according to the report, it was over $100 worth of movies. No matter, it wasn't sneaky enough, since police were called. If he had just waited until those titles came out on Netflix, maybe he wouldn't be in jail. In another baffling display of crime, police were called to the Dollar Tree in the same plaza the next day. According to the separate report filed with Charlotte-Mecklenburg police, around 10:15 a.m., a suspect attempted to leave the store with an absurd amount of toothpaste. The suspect was somehow able to fit approximately 30 boxes of toothpaste in his sweatpants and before attempting to leave the business. An employee noticed the boxy shapes in the man's pants and confronted the suspect. The audacity of the suspect leaves us with many questions. Not the least of which being: Is that 30 boxes of toothpaste in your pants, or are you just happy to see the police?

Party On, Wayne One party-hardy person in Dilworth neighborhood presumably tried to keep the party going after-hours last week. Dilworth Neighborhood Grille reported that early in the morning, between 6 and 6:30 a.m. an unknown suspect broke into the business and absconded with an assortment of liquor. Among the items stolen were bottles of Grey Goose, Absolut, Tanqueray and 1800 Silver. Of course, since every liquor shot needs a chaser, the suspect also decided to snag a bottle of Sprite.

Sugar, Sugar Medication and healthcare is expensive nowadays, but that doesn't mean you need to put someone else out. One 53-year-old man in the Belmont neighborhood called police to a medical resource non-profit last week when he discovered that his backpack was stolen. Among the miscellaneous clothing and electronics he had stored in his bag were also a copious amount of diabetes supplies and medication. Insulin pens, lancets and his glucose meter along with various medicines used to treat other illnesses and diesases were gone. Whoever did this is a sick person, both figuratively and maybe literally.

All stories are pulled from police reports at CMPD headquarters. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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