I have an elongated uvula — that flap of skin that dangles between your tonsils in the back of your throat. And when I breathe, it whistles. I whistle while I sleep — snore, if you will.
That's right, I am one of the 45 percent of Americans who experience occasional snoring, particularly when my allergies flare up or I've been drinking.
My best friends whom I've had since high school know this all too well about me, so they give me my own room on girl's trips. And my boyfriends and cuddle buddies past unfortunately are well aware of this too. I've woken up with a pillow fort build around my head before. That was a nice gesture, as I'm sure he wanted to suffocate me.
I went to Charlotte Eye Ear Nose & Throat Associates clinic to get this checked out, which entailed getting a long cord with a light shoved up my nose and down my throat.
"Let's get this fixed so you can have a boyfriend at least," the nurse said to me.
I learned of my nasal deformity and was given a prescription nasal spray to open my passages and was taught some useful tips to avoid snoring, which will come in handy for your next sleepover.
• Alcohol relaxes the muscles in your tongue and throat and causes you to snore ... so don't pass out.
• Obstructed nasal passages from allergies and colds clog your nose, thus breathing becomes snoring ... so rinse with a Neti-pot before bed.
• Being overweight is one of the major symptoms of snorers ... so that's more motivation to not get fat.
• Avoid sleeping pills, sleep on your side rather than your back, and tilt the head of your bed upwards four inches ... so make your own little pillow fort.
Bulky throat tissue, a deviated septum and sleep apnea are other causes of snoring. Surgery is an option, but I'm a holistic hippie, so I found some herbal supplements to help: Passiflora Incarnata and Scuttelaria Latenflora. I could go on about the dangers of sleep apnea and encourage you to also make an appointment at Charlotte Eye Ear Nose & Throat, but I don't want to put you to sleep and make you start snoring. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz