The Charlotte Symphony, which recently received news that its Arts & Science Council allotment was being cut by more than 50 percent, named a new conductor today, Christopher Warren-Green, who formerly served as music director of the London Chamber Orchestra. Warren-Green will replace Christof Perick at a time when the orchestra's future is in jeopardy. In addition, our usual sources, i.e., Jack Daniels and Lenny Bruce, report that Warren-Green had also applied for the positions of Captain of the Titanic, CEO of General Motors, Editor of the Charlotte Observer, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, and quarterback for the Detroit Lions. We welcome the new conductor and wish him good luck.