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Friday, July 6, 2012
love Is it time for Charlotte ladies to pay up?
Posted By April Smith on Fri, Jul 6, 2012 at 1:34 PM
I’m a Southern gal. I’m from Virginia and have lived in Charlotte for more than five years. I call people “sweetie” and “babe” and say “Bless your heart." As a woman in the South, I also expect to be treated like a lady. If a man asks me to dinner, I expect him to foot the bill and open doors and push in chairs along the way. Not everyone, it seems, is in agreement with this Southern way of dating.
A male friend and I were posted up one day at a bar, watching a game, and ventured into a debate that I will never forget. My friend strongly stated that if a guy asks a lady out on a first date, then the lady should at least offer to pay her half. I was floored by my friend’s opinion.
As such, I posted this poll question on Twitter to hear the reactions of others: “If a guy asks a girl to a date, should the girl at least offer to pay for her half?” The majority of the responses agreed with my thinking that a man should always pay for the first date. But there were a few (men) who said that she should at least offer to pay and that just the gesture would say a lot about her character.
My dude friend then sent text messages to a few of his lady friends for their opinion on the matter, and they surprisingly stated that they always offer to pay on a date. After an hour of debate at the bar and me reeling in random bar patrons for their opinion, I realized that all of the people who were in favor of men paying are from the South, North Carolina mostly, and those who believed that women should offer to pay are from the North, New Jersey and New York. And as you all know, there are a ton of people from up North who are infiltrating Charlotte each day. So now, the many young, single Charlotteans of our great city have two completely different beliefs on how to date.
This could get ugly.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not spoiled nor am I high maintenance (at least I don’t think that I am). But I do expect a man to pay for a date in the name of chivalry. I personally support myself, am driven and like to be in control, but I still feel special when a nice man makes the effort to buy me dinner or takes the time to plan a nice date. I will, though, as a rule, buy drinks after dinner at the next date stop (granted there is one) to show my appreciation and make it clear that I am not a free-loader. I am not saying that the man should always pay for everything, but I strongly believe that he should pay for the first date and the female should never be expected to offer to pay on said first date.
Ironically enough, that same friend that I agreed to disagree with overheard a girl just last night in the elevator of his condo building complaining to her girlfriend that her date “asked for two checks!” after dinner. My friend said he could hardly contain his laughter thinking back to our unsettled debate on the same issue.
So let’s hear it...
* Do you think us ladies in Charlotte should at least offer to pay for dinner on the first date?
* Is it a regional issue that makes our opinions so varied?
* If your lady date at least does the fake-wallet-grab on the first date, are you impressed by her gesture?
* Is the man always entitled to pay for the first date?
April Smith is a social media marketer and blogger and has worked in Charlotte nightlife for more than five years. When she's not writing or tweeting, she's most likely running, watching sports or out on the town.
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Comments (8)
Showing 1-8 of 8
So a man should spend money on you just because you have a vagina? Haha Women fought hard to be "equal" yet they want the man to pay for everything. FOH!
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It is really quite the double standard woman have going with their women's lib, equal pay, WNBA, and all other girl power related things. Yet at the same time they want to be treated like poor helpless little children when it comes to spending money. You pretty much have to pick one or the other. You can't be both liberated and equal and helpless and poor at the same time. Most women I know simply expect to go dutch simply because what happens if the relationship actually goes somewhere? You end up creating this inequality in the relationship. I get that women want to be spoiled pampered etc, but at a point this will become detrimental to a relationship. I say get it right in the first place and move on.
I am not originally from the South and I hold the door for ladies of all ages, whether I know them or not, and when I ask them out on a date I pay.
If we are just two friends "doing lunch" or such then Dutch is appropriate. A date is different. It's the way I was raised. I believe in equality of the genders, but equality does not mean there is no difference.
I think its more of a generational thing than a southern vs. northern one. I'm in my mid-late 20's, and most girls I have been on dates with have offered to pay their share, or later on, to alternate. Region didn't seem to matter, but all would consider themselves somewhat feminist and balked at the idea of me paying everything (yes I always offered on a first date).
Honestly, it was kind of off-putting and inconsiderate when only one girl, with a better job than most, had no shame about never contributing a dime after more than 10 dates.
There are plenty of more significant ways to act chivalrous than with your money. That's the easiest and 'cheapest' way. If a girl is hung up on that, consider it a big red flag and move on.
Rule of thumb: When someone says they are NOT something (freeloader in this case) and then come up with all kinds of rationalizations for their behavior, it's less of a denial rather than a subconscious slip. Same thing with offering to make a (cheap) gesture of paying for drinks on the safe second date or insincere offers to split they don't expect to be taken up on. These are character flaws and we all have different ones. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to shed as many as possible.
I chuckled over her rationalization she wants to feel "special" about him paying for the date when she views this as a general entitlement for women. In addition, it means that she views special as applying only to herself with the man being just another meal ticket in a long line of ATM machines. A real "lady" wouldn't be going out with lots of strange men. It reminds me of the Rush Limbaugh controversy where the feminist ladies were all outraged at him calling them by a derisive, albeit descriptive term even as they claimed that they were now liberated beyond such labels.
If she and other such women want to be real ladies, fine. Then don't stop at just a cheap drink on the 2nd date. How about washing dishes and doing all the diapers for the rest of their natural lives even if they have a full time job?
There's a problem when you refer to men as men and to women as females.
Social vs. biological terminology.
It's easy to say that the first date should always be paid for by the man, but how many ladies go on several first dates with men? They never pay! What happens on the 2nd date? If the restaurant is very nice and you enjoyed yourself, the thing a gentleman (sucker) should do is pick up the check. I don't see anything wrong with it, but it's better if that cycle is stopped on the first date. The sentiment behind this, and I know I'm speaking for a number of men, is that we have never EVER had a woman pay her half, the entire check, or had a woman invite us on a date where she was expected to pay. So at a point, a man gets tired of paying. The funny thing is watch how different a woman's appetite and drink orders change when a guy pays the entire check vs if she is paying for her own or both, its ridiculous.
These comments are funny, because I've paid for myself on dates before. And I've also picked up the entire check more times than I care to count. So all these men complaining about paying all the time are lying. And I'm not alone in this among my other women friends, so quit your wining about how much money is being kicked out. Over exaggeration at its finest! Most women will pay their half on a first date if they don't like you. Especially if they INSIST on it after you've finished eating. Take THAT as your red flag, let her pay her half and cut your losses.
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