Thursday, April 12, 2012

You know you haven't had sex in a long time when ...

Posted By on Thu, Apr 12, 2012 at 9:49 AM

We all know what it's like to hit that dreaded dry spell.


You know, the one where you can't even remember how long it's been since you've gotten any. Does this sound familiar, ladies? You stop shaving because you know no one will even see your legs (or anything else for that matter). And, men, you have to be concerned when you start considering women your mother's age as an option, right?

At what point is TOO long to go without doing the dirty?! I asked several people around Charlotte to finish this statement: "You know you haven't had sex in a long time when ___________."

Here are their responses:

BB: "You start hitting on the little Asian dry-cleaning lady."

BO: "Your computer gets a virus."

ML: "You go in for your Brazilian and your esthetician tells you it's been three months since your last one ... and you usually go every four weeks."

AT: "You become ambidextrous just to spice things up."

LS: "The condom in your wallet dry-rots."

KR: "You lose your job to Peyton Manning."

RM: "You'd be happy with a make-out session."

ET: "You buy lotion and Kleenex at Costco."

NH: "You start counting in years."

BS: "You get off to a Sears catalog."

JC: "What's a long time? ... Three days?"

NM: "When after a night of drinking, the wait staff at Waffle House looks like a valid option."

EM: "When you think it's a good idea to buy a cat, or two or five."

NM: "You get jealous of your dog humping someone's leg."

JS: "You've named your vibrator."

NM: "When the thought 'She's not THAT old' enters your mind at least once a day."

BC: "When your pulsating shower head is used for more than just a shower."

ET: "You start using AOL chat rooms again, and the next thing you know, you have an interview with Chris Hansen!"

What do you think? How do YOU know when it's been too long since you've gotten busy?

April Smith is a social media marketer and blogger and has worked in Charlotte nightlife for more than five years. When she's not writing or tweeting, she's most likely running, watching sports or out on the town.

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