New York City doesn’t sleep and nor did I for the 50 some hours I was there.
Tuesday morning I woke up in Charlotte at 6:15 a.m. with my flight leaving at 6 ... shit!
I literally jumped out of bed and basically threw a temper tantrum — everything short of laying on the floor kicking and wailing my arms. $200 pissed down the drain later, I sat down and shut the front door. I made a mistake — oh well!
I decided that rather than beating myself up about it, I should just chalk it up to fate. “A fate mistake.” There was a legitimate reason I missed my flight ... and not just because I turned my alarm off rather than pressing the snooze button to try and sneak in that extra 9 minutes of sleep. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
I flew to NYC for the MAXIM Magazine reunion party. As in the staff’s five-year-reunion. I was enrolled in the Dennis Pub Club, Class of 2004. Because although I worked for Dennis Publishing right out of college, we played more than I did while in college. We even had a co-ed intramural softball team — that had multiple cases of PBR quietly confiscated by the Central Park security in the middle of the game. I even made the greatest 100 moments of MAXIM history ... (number 34) for winning a hush puppy eating contest. I ate my way to the middle.
While the Plaza Midwood Art Krawl was rained out, the Carolina Cup went on rain and NO shine ... and, for lack of better terms (and weather) was a complete and utter shit show.
The Carolina Cup is kinda like a NASCAR race, with a different form of horse power ... in regards to the amount of heavy partying off the track. Except all the men wear really tacky preppy and plaid pants and the girls wear Easter dresses and big hats.
At 9:30 a.m., I boarded a bus, was handed a mimosa and found myself on an Easter egg hunt on the bus. The weather looked nice the whole 2.5-hour ride there, but as soon as we parked ... torrential down-pour. After hiking through inches of mud we got to our tent — cold, wet and dirty.
There was one of two options — be a Debbie downer, or get sloppy-wet drunk. It was raining so hard if I had shampoo I could’ve washed my hair. Our tent broke out a slip and slide and a neighboring tent broke out the karaoke and started singing (and dancing) in the rain. And after a few beers, it was a glorious feeling.
By the end of the day everyone was just pretty much playing in the mudd. Some southern Carolinian took the horsing around. Like this guy ...
As in the band; I really just went to the KISS 95.1 studios to rock out with Chad Rock and Danny and Foz from REHAB.
Our conversations quickly went from
CHAD ROCK: “How are you?”
DANNY: “I feel like a million pennies”
CHAD ROCK: “Well you look like shit man!”
DANNY: “Yeah, we got a little rowdy last night”
ME: (pointing to his fresh bloody knuckles): “What’d you punch last night?”
DANNY: “The TV”
Ouch ...
Before I knew it we were having a “tell off” about bed wetting stories and singing in studio karaoke. They remixed November Rain, Living on a Prayer … and My Humps. “My lovely lady lumps, check em’ out” … Danny’s deep man voice made it sound even better than Fergie. I then got to sing along to the best sing along song, ever – theirs: "Bartender."
The rockstars who truly party like rockstars rated Charlotte in the top 5 in terms of party towns.
“Everything’s new, the women are hot and every show we’ve played here someone gets kicked out,” Danny said as Foz nodded in agreement, “there’s a bald headed bouncer at Amos' that will fuck shit up.”
They were in town to play an all ages show at Amo’s SouthEnd … and they left me an autographed album to give to you.
I was lured up to Buck Wild Ultra Saloon in University by a facebook invite to “Man Show Mondays” that advertised trampoline jumping. Growing up, I would entertain myself for hours with the trampoline I had in my back yard. When I came home from college one summer my mom had gotten rid of it and confessing it was a pain in the ass when she mowed the lawn so she just gave it to the kids up the street that use to always come knock on our door and ask to jump on it.
There I was, 19 years old, knocking on my neighbor’s door, asking a 10-year-old if I can jump on her trampoline. So, I went to Buck Wild in hopes of jumping on a trampoline – I even wore yoga pants so I could do flips. Turns out, the Man Show actually entailed the bartenders jumping on mini-trampolines.
It was a little scary walking in – it’s reminiscent of a haunted castle, the door even looked like a draw bridge. But it was like an a-booze-ment park inside with Cornhole, Beer Pong tables on old whisky barrels, ping-pong ... and a stripper pole.
Good times were had with Good Time’s star JJ Walker.
The first thing he said when he took the stage was “Lake Norman – Cornelius, North Carolina... so it’s come to this?” Meaning, his career. But he was surrounded by celebs actually ... assuming he’s heard of NASCAR.
JJ is still so animated and outspoken he didn’t even need a mic, he just carried it around at arms length, only using it when he was acting out a punch line — or really trying to make a point. I was laughing so hard I got cramps ... some of the side splitting laughter induced jokes included his comments regarding Young Hollywood.
“Britney Spears lost custody of her kids ... even Michael Jackson was allowed to keep his kids.” He made some very valid points...
... and I-rish I hadn’t drunk so much while celebrating St. Patrick’s Day this past weekend. Although comparatively, I was practically sober.
It may have rained on our parade – literally, the parade was postponed until this weekend – but Rich and Bennett’s 8th Annual St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl marched on. Said pub crawl is the largest in the U.S. – like, officially. More than 4,000 people come in from all over the country, as far as San Francisco, to crawl through the streets of Charlotte. The crawl is so massive in fact, the Travel Channel filmed it for their new show "Extreme." This pub crawl has made Charlotte a tourist destination. All hail Rich&Bennett.
But I’m pretty sure the producers thought they were filming “Charlotteans Gone Wild” in some of the interviews. I overheard one interview where the guy was talking in a foreign language known as drunk babble, and some girl in dire need of attention wanted to be on camera so bad she pulled up her shirt and shouted, “They always be after me Lucky Charms!” Not very lady like of the lush.
Pictured was the view from DJ Mayor’s booth of Buckhead Saloon at 3 p.m. Saturday afternoon... it was so crowded it was one in, one out — and the line for the ladies room was so long the attendants offered a pass to the front of the line for $3. Considering how long all the broken seals in there were holding their pee, it was a bargain.
While the Queen City’s Carrie Bradshaw, otherwise known as Brittney Cason, is soaking up the sun in Cali, I’ve filled in to be her Saint Louise — in this case, a Saint Sarah. Ready to enjoy labels and love, I headed off to drink cosmos and admire wedding fashion!
Nothing compares to finding that great love. We all have our different ideas of what that means — but when we find it, it’s like a dream come true. So, when that white horse comes around, you need a white gown. That’s why the “Dress in the Queen City” event used Carrie’s Vivienne Westwood gown as its headliner. With Carrie Bradshaw as the emblem of a modern day Cinderella, the big wedding and her gown, become the starting place for a modern fairytale.
The boutique that held the event was Hayden Olivia, a bridal store that brings New York style to the Queen City. And if giving us the chance to eye Carrie’s gown wasn’t charity enough, the event gave 100 percent of the proceeds to Dress for Success Charlotte — an organization that assists less fortunate women in the path to success.
It took me 45 minutes to go a mere few blocks from the gym to my house because of CIAA traffic. Hence the reason I jumped on the opportunity to attend the NFL Celebrity Bash at Extravaganza Depot. Celebs aside, I was excited about the fact I could divert the traffic headed into Uptown, park my car a few feet from the entrance, and mosey my ass right on into the party with no clusterfuck.
I was there at 10:30 p.m. and was informed I was early. But I made good use of the dance floor nonetheless. Extravaganza is an ideal location to throw a party between the ballroom-sized dance floor, 10 bartenders to every bar, easy access parking and a train car for a smoker's lounge.
With no hassle or hustle, I just pulled up and parked at the official ESCU, NC A&T and NCCU Alumni Party hosted by Chris Hope of the Titans, Santana Moss of the Redskins, Vontae Leach of the Texans, Brandon Newton of the Raiders, William Hayes of the Titans, Giradie Mercer of the Eagles, Troy Pelshack of the Rams and Chris Harris of the Panthers... I feel like I just listed the roster at the Pro Bowl or something.
I pulled up to the Bojangles' Coliseum for the T.I. and Young Jeezy concert as the symphony concert at the neighboring Ovens Auditorium was letting out. On the way in, we passed families in black-tie attire and a little child prodigy pianist in a bow tie... and we were going to see T.I.
There were cops everywhere surrounding the arena and auditorium... I bet they were there to make sure the crowd coming out of the symphony didn’t act up, right?
T.I. is on his farewell tour because he is going to Yale — I mean, jail... But if you think about it, jail is kinda like the Ivy league of street smarts, so T.I. is going to Yale in a sense, sorta.
T.I. had a DJ instead of a band; I thought I was at a heavy metal concert at one point. T.I.’s head banging would’ve put Axl Rose to shame.
He said he was in Charlotte a while back and, when he was, he got “locked up in Mecklenburg County.”
T.I. packed the BoRound, or Bojangles Coliseum rather... or maybe it looks like a giant chicken biscuit for some reason, with 4,000 people, and about 500 of them were on the stage. I’d say they were the hype men, but they just kinda stood there. I thought I might catch a contact high in the dome with the smoky air. Just to remind you, it is illegal to smoke marijuana in general... let alone in public.
The festive CIAA fans have the party stamina of Michael Phelps (I mean in regards to swimming) because they party until 4 a.m. and then they get right up and do it again, with day parties starting before lunch. I mean, can we go all out like this for the ACC tournament?
For a lunch break of a bash there’s the Fish Fry at Tempo and Digital Divas at Blue….
I couldn’t believe how many people were at the bar at Blue at 2 p.m. on a rainy Friday afternoon. DJ Daddy D was playing some of my old school faves that I used to dance to in high school.
I think the bartenders went into the freezer in the back to get high or something, because we stood there at the basically unattended bar for a good 10 minutes to sample the “Digital Diva” specialty cocktail (Alize Rose & Ginger Ale). When the 'tenders finally came back to the bar we had to repeat the elementary order four times to one bartender before he just handed it off to another. But the Digital Diva Alize was a tasty lick nonetheless.
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