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Best of The Blotter 2005
Only the finest crimes make this list
By Sam Boykin, J.E. Blacklaw and Stephanie Marshall
Page 2 of 4
TEDDY BEAR TERROR: An angry man caused his girlfriend to fear for her life. After a heated argument over their daughter's behavior, he entered the room where she was watching TV, waved a steak knife in front of her face, then picked up a stuffed animal and slit its throat. After that gruesome scene, he pointed in her direction. The woman ran from the room and called police from her next-door neighbor's house.
POOR APPLICANT SCREENING: A man hired a personal assistant and gave him a phone and money for business purposes. Amid the countless meetings the assistant scheduled for his boss, he also found time to make a drug deal over the phone, buy the drugs, and later sell the phone so that he could buy even more drugs. When asked where the phone and money went, he actually told his boss the truth.
BABY'S BAR CRAWL: For whatever reason, a woman brought a toddler with her to a local bar. At one point in the evening, she let the child crawl around on the floor, at which point other people in the bar suggested that she pick him up. She became infuriated with their comments, and ended up hitting another woman in the face over it.
THEFT OF THE WEEK: Someone with extraordinary thievery skills stole 200 linear feet of a six-foot-high chain link fence. The fence was installed in the ground and surrounded a construction site. It covered two city blocks and is valued at $2000.
WHAT-CHU SAY ABOUT A HOE?: A boyfriend and his girlfriend got into a fight recently that erupted when he insulted her. Whatever he said must have been awful, because she grabbed an undisclosed garden tool and bashed him in the head with it.
STORMY FORECAST: A man was arrested for a crime recently and was put in the back of a squad car by officers. The car's radio was on, with the program's host going on and on about the weather. The arrestee couldn't take it any longer, freaked out, and bashed on the windows and doors until they were damaged.
BOB MARLEY HE'S NOT: A woman told police that an unknown man kept calling her and blaring obscene reggae lyrics over the phone.
LITTLE DEBBIE MADE ME DO IT: A person called police recently to report that one of her employees ate a $1 snack cake off the shelf but did not pay for it.
WHERE'S THE KRYPTONITE?: A woman called police to report being threatened by a friend. According to the report, the other woman told her, "Once I snort my cocaine in my nose, I'm going to come and fuck up your car. I'm going to beat your ass." The woman filing the report told police that when this other woman gets high on cocaine, she thinks she's Superwoman.
GRANNY DON'T PLAY: An elderly man was rushed to the hospital with serious injuries after his wife beat him repeatedly with her walking cane.
CULINARY IRONY: A man was setting up for an upcoming "Ribfest" at Metrolina Expo when he lost his footing, fell, and broke a rib.
TOE TRUCK: A woman called medics to report an injury to a tow truck driver. After she wrecked her car earlier in the day, a tow truck came to her home in the afternoon to deliver her smashed up car. While the driver was operating the truck's ramp controls, the truck began to roll backwards and stopped on his foot. The woman had to get in the truck and drive it off him.
TESTY TELEMARKETER: A telemarketer reportedly called a couple's home numerous times, trying to sell the wife a resort trip. Despite the fact that the woman told the phone monkey not to call back, he continued to do so. Finally the husband answered the phone and started arguing with the caller, at which point the telemarketer called him a liar and threatened to "give him a beating."
SIMPLE BUT EFFECTIVE: A man reported to police that some pest called him on the phone a half dozen times in one day. During these calls, the annoying caller either remained silent or played country music.
GOOD FOR YOUR HEART: A woman reported than someone vandalized her car by pouring pinto beans in the gas tank.
ALCOHOL+STUPIDITY = FIGHT: A couple of weekend revelers were involved in a bout of parking lot fisticuffs at a local bar which resulted in one of the partygoers breaking his wrist. The reason for the brawl? A disagreement over which drunkard was going to drive. Thankfully, it ended up being the cops.
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