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WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT Maybe Ray Romano's shtick works on TV, where undemanding sit-coms possess the ability to easily amuse undemanding couch potatoes. But as far as his big-screen debut is concerned, the man's a washout, a zero, a big fat nada. This movie about a former US president (Gene Hackman) who runs for mayor against the town's plumber has been designed to showcase Romano's comedic prowess, yet his performance is about as funny as Sean Penn's in Mystic River -- which is to say, not funny at all. Hackman's spirited performance is better than this picture deserves, while Maura Tierney, as the no-nonsense recipient of both men's amorous advances, brings warmth and resolve to an otherwise thin character. But the comedy quotient, waning from the start, becomes nonexistent whenever it's placed in Romano's clumsy mitts. 
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OPENS FRIDAY:
DAWN OF THE DEAD: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet.
TAKING LIVES: Angelina Jolie, Kiefer Sutherland.
TOUCHING THE VOID: Joe Simpson, Simon Yates.
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