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Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Dating and Mating The story of a girl and her elongated uvula
Posted By Brittney Cason on Tue, Jun 7, 2011 at 9:38 AM
I have an elongated uvula — that flap of skin that dangles between your tonsils in the back of your throat. And when I breathe, it whistles. I whistle while I sleep — snore, if you will.
That's right, I am one of the 45 percent of Americans who experience occasional snoring, particularly when my allergies flare up or I've been drinking.
My best friends whom I've had since high school know this all too well about me, so they give me my own room on girl's trips. And my boyfriends and cuddle buddies past unfortunately are well aware of this too. I've woken up with a pillow fort build around my head before. That was a nice gesture, as I'm sure he wanted to suffocate me.
I went to Charlotte Eye Ear Nose & Throat Associates clinic to get this checked out, which entailed getting a long cord with a light shoved up my nose and down my throat.
"Let's get this fixed so you can have a boyfriend at least," the nurse said to me.
I learned of my nasal deformity and was given a prescription nasal spray to open my passages and was taught some useful tips to avoid snoring, which will come in handy for your next sleepover.
• Alcohol relaxes the muscles in your tongue and throat and causes you to snore ... so don't pass out.
• Obstructed nasal passages from allergies and colds clog your nose, thus breathing becomes snoring ... so rinse with a Neti-pot before bed.
• Being overweight is one of the major symptoms of snorers ... so that's more motivation to not get fat.
• Avoid sleeping pills, sleep on your side rather than your back, and tilt the head of your bed upwards four inches ... so make your own little pillow fort.
Bulky throat tissue, a deviated septum and sleep apnea are other causes of snoring. Surgery is an option, but I'm a holistic hippie, so I found some herbal supplements to help: Passiflora Incarnata and Scuttelaria Latenflora. I could go on about the dangers of sleep apnea and encourage you to also make an appointment at Charlotte Eye Ear Nose & Throat, but I don't want to put you to sleep and make you start snoring. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Monday, June 6, 2011
Single-Taken-It's Complicated Boyfriends to manfriends
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 1:23 PM
I'm sure I can speak for all the single ladies when I say that we don't want boyfriends. Because we don't want a boy ... we want a man. So why don't they call them manfriends?
Sure, boyfriends can mature into husbands, but we want a man from the get-go in a relationship, without having to marry him. But calling a guy a husband doesn't necessarily make him a man either — it's his actions and integrity that do that.
Women want a real man to protect us — not a little boy we have to raise and take the cookie away from when they've been bad.
A boyfriend is what you have in high school. A manfriend is someone who knows how to treat a lady and make her feel like a woman — not a girl. For example, he's someone who knows how to conduct himself in public with his woman, and understands the difference between being protective and overprotective. A manfriend will provide for a woman however he can, be it help her fix her car so the mechanic doesn't take advantage of her. Or take the car to the mechanic himself. A manfriend is just that a man. And a friend.
And men-friends, we'll be real women, not girls, for you.
Although, anyone who believes in The Bronx Tale's test theory, in which a real woman is one who, after you open her door for her, will reach over and unlock the door for you. Since the invention of automatic locks, we can't exactly pass the test.
Boys 2 Men ... ABC, BBD.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Sex and the Queen City / Random.com Are you the next Emily Maynard? The Bachelor auditions in Charlotte
Posted By Brittney Cason on Fri, Jun 3, 2011 at 2:50 PM
The LadyCats aren't the only ones holding auditions this month.
ABC's The Bachelor is coming back to Charlotte to recruit their next Southern star.
Not only did Emily Maynard win the heart of America — oh, and Brad Womack last season — but former TopCat and current Miss Sprint Cup Kimberly Coon was also on the show.
So out of 25 women, two of them were from Charlotte. Charlotte was the only city in the nation that had two representatives on the show. That's kind of a big deal.
Cason-Point: The Bachelor producers know how great Carolina girls are.
Casting producers from The Bachelor will be at the EpiCentre (210 E. Trade St.) on Thursday, June 16. Registration begins at 4:30 p.m. and on-camera interviews will run through 10 p.m. at SUITE.
This means you can go to Alive After Five first and have a drink to calm the nerves ... or convince you it's a good idea. Either one.
They should be recruiting THE BACHELOR here, not just the girls.
Like Drew Carter. He may be in Cali now, but us Panthers fans still like to claim him here in Charlotte.
Pictured above with Emily. I asked the two of them to pose for the Charlotte yearbook for the best-looking superlative. They're both so nice, they appeased my dumb idea.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Dating and Mating / Random.com The horniest place on Earth
Posted By Brittney Cason on Thu, Jun 2, 2011 at 1:28 PM
The most awkward sexual moment in my adult life took place in Disney World, right on Main Street, Magic Kingdom where I worked as a “cast-member” in the Walt Disney World College Program.
I took a semester at Virginia Tech to study abroad, in the happiest place on Earth. An internship for which I was merely assigned a job in merchandise retail while wearing a flannel hoop skirt with a shoulder-padded blouse and bow tie.
I worked in the very last store by the exit, where everyone came after the park closed to get their 8X10 photo of the family with Mickey Mouse.
One night, in between pondering why I’m getting college credit for operating a cash register ringing up over-priced souvenirs, I noticed a younger, kidless couple waiting in line. Every time I surveyed the line to assess when I could get the hell out of there, I noticed they were surveying me. Blatantly staring at me as though they were waiting for me to make eye contact. I surveyed them back, trying to figure out if I knew them from the College Program. Not registering their faces, I just proceeded to go about my cash register typing.
After catching them eye-raping me a few more times as they patiently waited in line, I felt kind of awkward when they reached the counter. They were both looking at me seductively while holding hands and nibbling each other’s ears as they whispered stuff back and forth. Only having a minute or so at the counter they got straight to the point.
“Hey Brittney (I was wearing a nametag) … you’re cute,” the girl said to me, as though I was a man.
I found it odd and uncomfortable that a woman just complimented me flirtatiously, in front of her boyfriend nonetheless.
“Uh, thanks. Do you guys have your photo number?” I asked so I could go get their picture.
Then the guy chimed in. “We really just wanted to come talk to you.”
I could only respond with a facial expression of confusion.
"We want to hang out with you. What are you doing tonight?” the girl confirmed.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Blind Leading the Blind / Happy Hump Day Luck be a Lady ... cat
Posted By Brittney Cason on Wed, Jun 1, 2011 at 1:47 PM
Once upon a time there was a girl — a goofy, geeky tomboy, rather — who auditioned for a cheerleading squad. A fairy godmother came along and completely made her over, and somehow (perhaps even magically) she transformed into an NFL cheerleader. I'm not going to say, "And she lived happily ever after" here, because this isn't a fairy tale. It's my story — and just the beginning of the calamity of errors that became my life.
Where in being read fairy tales did little girls confuse dreaming of becoming a princess and finding a prince, to becoming a cheerleader?
... I don't know, but I can tell you how you can live out those childhood fantasies.
The Charlotte Bobcats' Ladycat auditions are June 11, starting at 10 a.m. at Time Warner Cable Arena. But these girls aren't cheerleaders by any means, they're dancers. NBA dancers. And they have a choreographer who is All-Pro in the dance scene. So, if you're one of the many young women who need a stage, might I suggest the arena floor.
Anyone can audition ... even 6 feet tall men. See,
And as you can see, I am one of the judges for auditions. But I don't judge, I just like to dance ... to the beat of my own drum, much like the tall guy in a wig pictured above.
You can find information on auditions here. Goooooo You!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Single-Taken-It's Complicated / Sex and the Queen City Why you really can't find a good man
Posted By Brittney Cason on Tue, May 31, 2011 at 2:53 PM
"There are no good men left."
That's a statement I'm hearing come out of women's mouths a lot lately. In fact, too much.
Well, I hate to break it to you, ladies, but that's just a lie you're telling yourself to justify your single status.
Truth be told, good men aren't as rare as a unicorn. They're not mythical creatures that only live in a far away land. They do exist! Perhaps just not on your radar.
Have you ever stopped to wonder why other women are finding them, and you're not?
Maybe because you're not giving them a chance. You're skipping over genuinely good guys — the men truly worth marrying — because in your mind, they check the wrong box on their government forms.
Admit it. Most women have a "type" (aka "list"): Tall, handsome, successful, funny, well-groomed, educated, worldly, good with kids, must love dogs, went to a good school, has a good job, etc., etc., — ultimately, he looks good on and off paper. Not to mention he typically fits within a certain socio-economic and cultural clique. I know women with lists so long, they'll have to build a robot to find their ideal Mr. Right.
Having standards is good.
Having a list of demands that you yourself can't meet is bad.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Dating and Mating / Shit Brittney Says What is more rare ... a faithful man or a unicorn?
Posted By Brittney Cason on Thu, May 26, 2011 at 5:12 PM
I don't know what is more rare ... a faithful man or a unicorn.
I say this because, aside from my own personal observations, I've been hearing one too many stories as of late of my girlfriends finding evidence of infidelity within their boyfriend's various communication devices. And I keep seeing women getting divorced because their husbands had an affair with the 25-year-old receptionist when he hit his mid-life crisis, like in a cliched movie. Is the young secretary the new red sports car?
And in being one of the guys, I sometimes see things I wish I didn't. Such as the correlation between a woman's attention and a man's ego. One time I watched a client I worked with go from boasting about his wife and kids to me, to kissing on some other woman's neck not even thirty minutes later, who wasn't his wife. I'm kinda losing hope over here.
So I sent a tweet: I can't decide what is more rare ... a faithful man, or a unicorn.
I got all kinds of responses:
Both are always 'horn'-y, A faithful unicorn.... 2 out of the 3 unicorns I've date have cheated on me. With eachother, no less... very harrowing experience, Both live in a far away land!
And then I got this: @KimiR_NASCAR: @BrittneyCason it's not that rare, it's just you're a "on the side" kind of chick. Seriously.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Happy Hump Day Baby got back ... at Whisky River
Posted By Brittney Cason on Wed, May 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Happy Hump Day. Your present for such an occasion is a literal behind-the-scenes picture from last night's Boots and Bikinis contest at Whisky River. The monthly bikini contest is sponsored by About Face Models, for which I judged ... on personality.
You can view more photos, and even hotter contestants, on QC After Dark.
Whisky River is giving Hooters a run for their money — perhaps because their contestants wear boots as opposed to tube socks with tennis shoes.
As a judge for the contest, I couldn't help but vote for the girls with cellulite ... because I can relate. Cottage cheese is sexy, right? Or maybe only Sir Mix A Lot can appreciate it ... Baby Got Back!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sex and the Queen City Sex sells ... and we're buying
Posted By Brittney Cason on Tue, May 24, 2011 at 10:30 AM
I went to Priscilla McCall's yesterday to get toys for my friend's bachelorette party coming up this Memorial Day weekend. And by toys, I mean silly bachelorette games and penis-shaped drinking straws ... but I found a lot of other toys there. And like a kid with ADD, I got distracted and started playing with them. From vibrating rings to dildos the size of my thigh, to vibrators that resemble my neck massager. This "lingerie and gift store" has a lot more than intimate apparel ...
Victoria's Secret isn't nearly as juicy as Priscilla's. (Side note: Victoria's secret is merely that her push-up bras are much cheaper than a boob job, and they make women magicians — when they take their bras off, their boobs disappear. Good thing the Salem witch trails are over, or else a lot of women would be in trouble)
Priscilla's goody shelves were also comprised of tightening creams, penis pumps, lipsticks in the shape of penises, fake vaginas, stripper poles, flavored lubes — and they even have pills that make your cum taste sweeter.
I felt like a kid again, in the adult toy store. I even got the bride-to-be a surprise grab bag — probably full of different toys than the ones I used to get as a kid.
The real secret is that everyone has a little freak in them, even the most ladylike on the street ... let your freak flag fly baby!
Sex sells for a reason (and these lingerie/gift stores sell a lot of it).
Another little secret for you ...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Random.com Are you a 'hot Southern mess'?
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, May 23, 2011 at 2:32 PM
"She'd rather wear a pair of cut-off jeans than a fancy evening dress. And with her windows rolled down and her hair blown all around, she's a hot Southern mess. She'll take a beer over white wine. A campfire over candlelight. And when it comes to love, well, her idea of a romantic night ..."
— Brad Paisley, in his new song "Old Alabama"
Those lyrics pretty much sum me up ... so much so that I'm in the video for "Old Alabama."
I was actually the production coordinator on the shoot and ended up driving vintage cars from Hendrick Performance alongside Kelley Earnhardt and Erin Crocker Evernham — legit drivers. So, a little Hollywood secret: They put the Buick I was driving on a trailer hitch, so I wouldn't wreck it.
The video premiered last weekend on the world's largest HD screen at Charlotte Motor Speedway before the Sprint All Star race.
Sh!t my dad says, Mr. Cason edition: "You're not worried about being on the largest HD screen? People will be able to see inside your pores!"
See how you can turn her on; view the video here, via NASCAR.com. All artist royalties from this song will go to tornado relief in Alabama. Brad Paisley rocks ... literally with the band Alabama in this video!
#humbleblraggingblog
