December 29, 2004 News & Views » The Blotter

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Best of The Blotter 2005 

Only the finest crimes make this list

By , and
click to flip through (2) JIM HUNT
 

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I LOVE THIS JOB!: During a two-year period, a pharmacy technician at a local drug store embezzled $251,650.08 worth of controlled substances and narcotics.

DEAR GOD, NO: A woman called police to report that some unknown person(s) had "disturbed the baby powder she had left on the floor."

McRUMBLE: An irate female customer at a local fast-food joint started arguing with the restaurant's assistant manager. The argument heated and the woman slapped the paper hat-wearing manager in the face. When told the police were being summoned, she reportedly said "Go ahead and call police, I'll spray this place." The woman -- who apparently didn't get it her way -- fled the scene before officers arrived.

GOOD EXAMPLE: An employee at a local shoe store observed two women, both with young girls in tow, remove four pairs of athletic shoes from their boxes and stuff them inside backpacks the kids were wearing. The kids then ran from the store, with the dishonest matriarchs close behind. The whole crew jumped inside a car and drove off with a reported $350 worth of shoes, not to mention the lifelong memories of a very special mother-daughter moment.

ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY: A 20-year-old woman went to her baby's daddy's house to get some child support money. While the father was handing over the cash, another woman stepped in and started assaulting the young mother. Apparently the dopey dad liked what he saw, because he jumped in and held the mother of his child while the other woman continued to hit her on the face and neck, resulting in several scratches.

BURNING BRIDGES: After being fired from a local telemarketing business, a man called his old boss and threatened to "pop a cap in someone's ass." I'm no vocational counselor, but that probably won't get him too many favorable job referrals.

IT'S NO PICNIC: A woman called police after an acquaintance hit her in the head with a green plastic patio table.

REALLY DUMB CROOK NEWS: While sitting behind the wheel of his car, a pizza delivery guy was accosted by a gun-toting crook, who demanded he hand over all his money. A struggle ensued, during which time the crook dropped his gun inside the pizza dude's car, then promptly fled the scene. The same crook showed up at the pizza joint a short time later demanding his gun back. Workers told him to wait a minute while they retrieved it, and instead summoned the police who arrived a few minutes later and arrested the idiot.

BUMP IN THE NIGHT: A man was awakened in the middle of the night when his car alarm went off. He went downstairs to investigate and noticed that his garage door was propped open with a bucket of candy, and that someone had been in his office and scattered the papers on his desk. Apparently this wasn't enough to rouse his suspicions, and he went back to bed without calling the police. Shortly thereafter, the man was awakened again by strange noises coming from downstairs. This time when he went downstairs he spotted two men outside his home. One fled the scene in a car, and the other on foot. Finally the man called police, and then chased after one of the suspects in his own vehicle, but to no avail. When the man returned home he noticed multiple items were missing from his home, including computer equipment, tools and food. No word on whether the bucket of candy was still there.

HOBBLED AND DANGEROUS: One badass woman, reportedly on crutches, kicked in the door of another woman's house, slapped her in the face, then whacked her in the left forearm with her crutch.

A FRIEND IN NEED: After allowing a "friend" to live for a year at her house -- which was completely furnished, including appliances -- a woman discovered during a recent visit that her one-time tenant had vacated the premises and cleaned her out in the process. Among the items stolen were a queen-size bed, nightstands, dresser drawers, a coffee table, bookshelves, lamps, a ceiling fan, as well as numerous kitchen appliances and an entertainment center. Altogether, the stolen loot was valued at over $12,000.

UNGODLY BEHAVIOR: While having lunch in the dining area of a downtown church, a man was confronted by a fellow church member who demanded the return of his umbrella. When the other chap refused, the cantankerous churchgoer struck him several times with his fists.

HARD-DRINKING WEB-SURFERS: Several unknown people broke into a man's house by prying open a side window, and stole over $3,000 worth of computer equipment and $200 worth of alcoholic beverages.

I'M RICH! -- AND CLEAN!: A hotel manager reported that somebody broke into one of the hotel's laundry detergent vending machines and got away with $75 cash and 75 boxes of detergent.

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